wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize