where am i from again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
