grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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