after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
