had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
