I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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