just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
