my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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