I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize