So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
