you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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