Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize