I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
