I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
