My first STD was from a foam party
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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