Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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