Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Mom said you looked used
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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