sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
