I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
