saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and she was petting her beer can
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize