So drunk its hurt
She is in my trunk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize