There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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