So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
