Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize