I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
