she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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