I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
