sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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