Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize