So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
