Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
