Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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