the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
