i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
