Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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