btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
