im six kinds of drunk right now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
True college students do jello shots in the library
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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