Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
