I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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