My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
