last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
