guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
