at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
