you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
