we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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