I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
