HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
