thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
