i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
