She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
