can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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