You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
