Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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