fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
