we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
