sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
