we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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