On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
