This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize