Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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