i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
