I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
