laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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