where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
