I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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