I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
