I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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