Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
