Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
