My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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