My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
