Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
