My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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