I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
