oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Green mimosas i think yes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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