Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
