i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
