I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
