hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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