I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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