We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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