Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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