I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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