decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
