I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
