Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
