I am full of burrito and curiosity
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
