they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
