i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
