We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
