your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
