Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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