do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
