I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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