Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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