The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
