But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I wish I only lived at night.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
