a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
