how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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