I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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