There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
