It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
