please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
