I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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