Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize