It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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