every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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